Best Places to Eat in San Francisco

Ahoy, Scallionpancake readers! We have had an extremely busy summer of eating and catching pokemon. And for one of these reasons, some of our favorite pants no longer fit (Jigglypuff catches Jigglypuff—very meta). Seriously, we have been so busy with traveling, weddings, and Grandma hang time that we have only been home about three full weeks since May. Hence, we have SO MANY yummy things to share with you.

Oh my god that is hurtful 

Let’s start with an overview of our latest trip—San Francisco! This was half of Javon’s first trip in California, so we were so damn excited to eat and explore everything. Ostensibly, this trip was a work trip for Jason and his lovely co-worker Lorin to attend an accounting software conference (#xerocon), but we definitely did not let this deter us from having a truly awesome vacation together. In that spirit, this post is dedicated to Lorin (AKA Hamiltoe, AKA Peanut Butter Hamiltoe), who put up with our antics for nine full days. This includes sharing a one bedroom Airbnb with us and sleeping on a pullout couch, being awoken at 7:00 am every day to Jason’s wide repertoire of songs about pugs, and no shortage of our Jewish bickering. Bless her heart--and I mean this in the real way, not the backhanded southern way. Seriously, she is a saint. Oh, and now she has to come to therapy with us as a witness to our ineffable variety of insanity.

Come and knock on our door

Best Place to Meet a Saudi Arabian Oil Magnate: The French Laundry

No, your eyes do not deceive you--Jason’s awesome Aunt Lynn managed to score us a reservation at one of the hardest places to get a reservation in the world. They never would have let three peons like us in without Lynn’s help, so all credit goes to her. We were so hyped to go to TFL, and then it took us an hour and a half just to get on the Bay Bridge--yup: we were late. This should come as no shock if you know us, but seriously. We left with what we thought was thirty minutes of padding. Apparently S.F. traffic requires an hour and a half padding. I was having a full blown panic attack as we sat in gridlock traffic, and Lorin became acquainted with a good, old-fashioned Yvonne freak out. I had to take a xanax and do a crossword, which is the only cure for my crazy.

No chill while in traffic 

Once we finally made it to Yountville (just outside of Napa), we were transported to Le France. Yes, we got to try the famed “Oysters and Pearls” dish, enjoy the cheapest glass of wine on the menu at $32, and breathe in glorious Thomas Keller air. One of the best parts, though, was the people watching. Is that a preview of the full review and distribution of Michigan Pugs? Maybe. 

Best Pizza: Golden Boy Pizza

Why am I putting this directly under The French Laundry? Um, because it is that good. We ate this pizza on our last night in San Fran (on my, gulp, thirtieth birthday) after eating some really smeh pizza on an earlier night. We were staying right in Little Italy, so we knew that we could not leave without doing it right. And oh, did we ever do it right. Golden Boy is open until 2am, so it is known as being “drunk pizza,” but that is not because you need to be drunk to appreciate it. It’s just that one or two cocktails really elevates the experience of waiting in line outside, hoping to god that no one takes the last slice of clam & garlic--they make the pizzas continually until 2am, but by the time you are up to order, the last thing you want to do is extend your wait.

This thick, focaccia style pizza is truly nirvana. I think this is the one time during the trip when we are all quiet for fifteen minutes. We ate in silence at the counter and watched the Giants game, and had a truly San Francisco experience (Golden Boy has been open since 1978!). Jason had to physically restrain me from finishing his slice and buying another piece. You hear that? It got physical. Don’t miss this pizza.

All signs point to greatness 

Best Place to Get Caffeinated: Blue Bottle Coffee

Lorin and I are sincerely depressed that we do not have coffee that even approximates the glory of Blue Bottle Coffee in Charlotte. Their claim to fame is their siphon coffee, but seriously everything is good here--lattés, drip coffee, delicious almond butter and avocado toasts, and even pastries from the geniuses at Tartine (match made in heaven, right there). We went to Blue Bottle more mornings than not, and truly nothing compares. As Lorin said, we are ruined for all other coffees forever. Sad face. They do ship/offer a subscription box, though!

That lady in the background is like, "Holy $%!* this is good coffee!"

Best Ice Cream: Humphry Slocombe

Bomb Diggity. Jason died twelve times over their Malted Milk Chocolate Flavor, and Lorin loved the Salted Watermelon Sorbet and the Harvey Milk + Honey Graham. We tried them out at their Ferry Building location, but I just found out that they have a location in the Mission District as well. Um, that’s one time/probably four hours straight we missed out on eating dessert in San Fran, and that is SICK. We simply do not miss ice cream opportunities. Brb, buying a plane ticket back now.

Did ancient aliens make this ice cream?

Best Pastries: Tartine

Just kidding! We totally ate dessert in the Mission District. You cray. The neighborhood staple Tartine certainly lives up to the hype and numerous cookbooks. We waited in the famous line around the block and it was so worth it. We tried two of their well-vetted pastries: the morning bun and the chocolate croissant. I have so many regrets that we did not order more delicious pastries, or try some of their bread, which comes fresh out of the oven at 4:00. Or the bread pudding. Or the croque monsieur. Or the banana tart. You get the idea.

No picture from Tartine, but here is a short bio about us: "Some pig[s]"

Best Asian Snack Combo: Boba Guys & anywhere in Chinatown

S.F. has the biggest Chinatown in the US, and this was so very exciting for Jason and me. Less so for Lorin, who was a little terrified of our choices (she doesn’t like boba, but we love her anyway). I had done my research on Boba Guys weeks out--they don’t use any powders or artificial colors in their milk tea. Everything is straight up, natural and fabulous. Our favorites? lychee green tea with grass jelly & horchata matcha latte with almond jelly (both jellies are housemade, whattt).

Best thing to pair with a bubble tea? An egg tart or a taro bun from any spot in Chinatown. We also found a cool spot called Minamoto Kitchoan near midtown that was awesome--all of their treats were imported directly from Japan, and they were pricey, but the few we tried were tasty--they even had a few things we hadn’t seen before, like tsuya and shirabe cookies and various jellies.

We brought the fat kid fun home to the Queen City 

Frankie’s Notes: It’s all fun and games until none of your pants fit; Lorin and I might be sister wives and just let Jason visit occasionally; YOU GUYS, THERE ARE SO MANY POKEMON IN SAN FRAN; Getting across the bridge to escape the city can take years off of your life; Thomas Keller air smells like duck fat and angels sitting on a cloud; We got into a car accident in an Uber, but we all lived to eat another day.

Bestos